Monday, 13 July 2009

The Story of Samson (aka James Moran)

One day, after the showing of Torchwood: Children of Earth, the people of Earth turned against God (aka RTD), so God (aka RTD) sent ITV to rule over them instead.

And ITV sucked. They cancelled all the best shows and just continued to show reruns of rubbish television shows from the 1970s. It wasn't that God (aka RTD) didn't love his people, they just needed to know what life would be like without him.

Then came the man known as Samson (aka James Moran).

One day, Samson (aka James Moran) was out walking through a grape orchard, probably wanting to make win or something, when he thought he heard something. It sounded like a groan.

Suddenly, a zombie wandered out of the vines, tackling Samson (aka James Moran) to the ground in a fiendish battle between the living and undead. Just then, the power of God (aka RTD) filled Samson (aka James Moran) and he tore the zombie apart.

Now, remember, the people had turned against God (aka RTD) and he had sent ITV to rule over them. Now it was time for God (aka RTD) to send ITV away.

ITV had heard of Samson (aka James Moran) and all the mighty deeds he had done, so they sent a Twitter Army to find him.

The Twitter Army launched their attack on Samson (aka James Moran) and took him to ITV. However, Samson's (aka James Moran's) super strength meant that he couldn't be held for too long and he broke free.

Then ITV decided they needed to find Samson's (aka James Moran's) secret. So they turned to Delilah (aka Joe Lidster) and promised her eleven pieces of silver and the secret of immortal life if she could discover the secret.

So Delilah (aka Joe Lidster) tricked Samson (aka James Moran) into telling her the secret. It turned out that Samson's (aka James Moran's) secret strength lay in the beautiful gem he kept by his side. This beautiful gem (aka Jodie Kearns) was then stolen by ITV and Samson (aka James Moran) became weak and could not fight against the evil of ITV.

What ITV didn't count on, however, was that the beautiful gem (aka Jodie Kearns) could be fierce when protecting her Samson (aka James Moran) and so she developed super powers and beat the hell out of ITV and the evil Twitter Army who had handed Samson (aka James Moran) over in the first place, using her patented Shrieking Leaping Flying Squirrel Manoeuvre.

In the end, all was well. Samson (aka James Moran) was reunited with his beautiful gem (aka Jodie Kearns) and Delilah (aka Joe Lidster) went back to being his 'bitch'. Then they all got drunk, were merry, and went on a zombie hunt.